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Got a question? This Navy life gets pretty crazy, so consider us a resource in managing your Navy life. We are in this together! Whether your husband is in the Ward Room, Chiefs Mess or Crews Mess, we have an experienced โ€œbeen there, done thatโ€ Contributor that can answer your question.

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Keep in mind, our expertise is in the “spouse side of the house”, if you have a question regarding your husbands/spouses rate please visit our friends over at www.askthechief.com.

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106 Comments Add your own

  • 1. beatrice fishback  |  October 1, 2007 at 12:09 am

    Is it possible to promote my recent book “Loving Your MIlitary Man” on your blog? I am trying to make this resource available to as many military wives as possible. If you are interested in seeing the book log onto http://www.familylife.com, hit online store, then go to military link. Thank you for considering this and for taking care of military women through your web site. Bea Fishback

    Reply
  • 2. Wendy  |  October 2, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    Bea, I will email you directly! I’d love to learn more about your book. Wendy

    Reply
  • 3. Sarah White  |  November 6, 2007 at 11:44 pm

    I am the author of Sammy’s Soldier, a children’s book for families that have deployed military members. I just wanted to let you know about it and offer to send a copy for you to check out. Thank you for your time. Sarah White

    Reply
  • 4. Marie  |  November 7, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    Sarah,
    Wendy and I are huge book people! I sent you a private e-mail. We would love to read your book!! I am so excited to see new books not only for us, but our children! Thanks for what you are doing!

    Reply
  • 5. Wendy  |  November 7, 2007 at 4:57 pm

    Hi Sarah – I’ve checked out your blog and your book looks like a wonderful resource…..we’d love to read it!

    Reply
  • 6. Ashley  |  November 9, 2007 at 7:39 pm

    What is it like to be a Navy Wife? Do you ever get lonely? Do you get to spend time with your husband at all? Just curious because, I might be a Navy wife here soon.

    Reply
  • 7. Marie  |  November 11, 2007 at 10:46 am

    WOW. Now that is a question!! Being a Navy wife is not for the weak of heart. It is an amazing yet “challenging” life that will take you places, let you meet some of the most amazing friends you could imagine, and challenge you on levels you thought you’d never face. Fist, lets jump back and answer the easiest questions first!! Yes, you get lonely, and that part sucks, but the friends that you make become your “navy family” and you get through it together. And yes, you get to see your husband!! There are some times that you won’t see him as much as you’d like, and then there are times where he is around so much that you may just want him to hurry up and leave!! lol Don’t misunderstand me when I say that. I love my husband, he is my best friend, but when I am so use to him being gone. . .then he all the sudden comes home . .it is very hard to adjust sometimes. It is a balancing act. I have to say that I love my life, but it isn’t for everyone. You can do it if you love him and you are a strong person. Don’t under estimate yourself! Write us personally if you need more “details” we’d be happy to help!! Thanks for the question and feel free to write more on our site!!!Take care!
    marie(at)navywiferadio.com

    Reply
  • 8. Wendy  |  November 11, 2007 at 2:26 pm

    Great question Ashley, I think you will get a different answer from every “Navy Wife” you ask. I would have to say being a Navy wife like most things in life is what you make of it. Depending on your soon to be husbands job in the Navy will depend on your length of deployments. Ive heard many “experienced” spouses say it doesn’t really ever get “easier”, it just gets “different’. Every deployment has its own challenges. Feeling lonely while he is at sea is normal, making friends and keeping busy are a must! As far as spending time together, when he is home (depending on his work schedule), he is able to pick up our son from school, attend school functions, coach his soccer team, we have lunch dates, even play “hooky” for the day together on occasion and much more. Lots of things that “regular dads” don’t have the flexibility to do in “regular” jobs. New friends, new locations, opportunity for travel in and outside the US make for an exciting and ever changing lifestyle. There is also something to be said for being apart of something bigger than myself – my own participation in “the mission” by keeping the home fires burning. Good luck to you in your future. ….and I look forward to other wives chiming in with their perspective on what being a Navy Wife means to them!

    Reply
  • 9. Katie  |  November 18, 2007 at 12:59 am

    My husband is considering joining the Navy. We have 2 young children under two, and neither of us are familiar with military life. He has been busy researching the different officer programs he might be eligible for, and I have been scouring the internet for blogs and information on what it’s like to be a Navy wife. We have an awesome marriage and have never spent more than 3 days apart. I’d love to say I think I’m strong enough to handle the challenges Navy life might bring, but I just don’t see how I could be apart from my husband during deployments. Do all Navy wives feel that way when they’re first starting out? From what I’ve read, it sounds like many of the wives kind of rally together to encourage and support one another through those months apart from their husbands…. but I’m concerned about the effects it’ll have on our little ones too -when their Dad is gone so long — as it is, they’re used to having him around everyday. How do you help your children adjust when they’re too young to even talk but old enough to recognize their Dad’s absence? How do you keep yourself from going stir crazy? Do you think the time apart is “worth it” for the benefits/challenges you gain by joining the Navy? (I realize that’s probably a hard question to answer given that we all have different ideals for life.) But in general, do you think most Navy wives have found they are glad to be stronger for those challenges Navy life has presented? Do you think their marriages have grown even closer from the time apart during deployments? Also, in a 4 year contract as an officer, how many times should we expect he may be on deployment? That may be a deciding factor for us in whether we puruse this full-fledged or not. He has said if he’s looking at one or two deployments during the 4 year active-duty committment, he’s still very interested… if we’re looking at more like 3 or more deployments, this may not be for us? We’re trying to be as prayerful and educated about this decision as we can be, so any advice or insight you might be willing to share is greatly appreciated! Thank you…

    Reply
  • 10. Marie  |  November 18, 2007 at 10:47 am

    Katie,
    Every person’s experience is different. But one thing that I personally feel very strongly about is that the main reason for joining the military should be to serve your country, not about benefits. A lot of men and women now chose the military as a career. But, if your husband would like to serve, and do just 4 years, that is wonderful. You will not know where he will be going or how many times until he choses his job. And even once they tell you, it can change at any moment. I would not base your decision on #of deployments, b/c that is never concrete. The Navy is what you make of it. And that goes for you, your children, and your husband. You can make it a great experience or something that you’ll regret. We as wives don’t look at deployments and think, “Well, I hate this, but it’s so worth the benefits!” Not at all. I think if you ask most wives of career men, they will say the same thing. It is a challenging life, but it is our life and we are proud of our husbands service and how we serve in our own way. As a Navy wife, you are supporting freedom.
    I do believe that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. My husband and I have a very strong marriage, but it has had it’s own “moments”. Military marriages have a much higher divorce rate, but you can’t focus on that. Only you and your husband can know what is right for your relationship. You children will adapt based on how YOU adapt. My kids are now 5 and 9. We have been in the Navy for 7 years. They are happy, adjusted, smart, and just two amazing kids! But, it is b/c of how I handle things. I talk to them every night, we have “family nights”, and I focus on them and their feelings about everything. Since yours are so young, it is about loving them as much as you can, making videos of dad with them and videos of him reading books, etc and so much more that you will learn from other wives if he joins. But I have seen some kids have issues. . .But again, I truly believe it is how the parent at home handles things. I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy, b/c it’s not. But I will tell you that I love my life and my Navy husband. I would go into this prepared that he will be gone at least half of every year. Oh, and when my husband joined, I had never spent more than 3 days apart as well. . .and we talked every day he ever was away. Since he has joined, he has been on over 10 submarine deployments (2-3mo ea). In a five year span, he was gone 2 1/2 years of that time. You can’t be a selfish person n this lifestyle. You will be giviing yourself and your family to something bigger. I hope this helped….please feel free to ask more and to write us personally if you’d like. Good Luck on your decision!
    marie(at)navywiferadio.com

    Reply
  • 11. Wendy  |  November 18, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    “What is it like being a Navy Wife?”

    It is the toughest job you will ever love.

    I just met a retired couple who just retired after 30 years. Not just one, but both of them retired from the military. So, yes there are successful military families out there that not only “survive it” but are successful and help others get through it by making a difference in the lives of the young service members and their families.

    I’ve also known many couples who have “gotten out” after their first commitment. They did their part and felt it was time to move on….and still love to tell the “stories”.

    It will be what you make of it.

    I think quenching the desire to serve with anything else might leave your husband disheartened or unfulfilled.

    You mentioned praying about your decision, I think that is the best thing you can do. It is a personal decision for your family. What works for one family might not work for another. ….and for how long he will be gone, it depends on his warfare speciality…..6 month deployments are probably the norm vs. the exception. I’m hoping more wives chime in with their two cents!

    Let me/us know if you have more questions. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 12. Wendy  |  November 18, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    More answers:

    How do you help your children adjust when theyโ€™re too young to even talk but old enough to recognize their Dadโ€™s absence?

    I actually think the younger they are the better they adjust. We had many more issues with our teenager acting out. He turned out ok though, and just joined the Navy last June. Lots of video tapes, voice tapes and letters, daddy doll and personal calendars are all good creative communication tools.

    How do you keep yourself from going stir crazy?

    Having friends, interests, and connections with wives whose husband was deployed with mine helped. I worked outside the home. I know not everyone will agree with me….it just worked for me. Even if you take your children to a daycare / playgroup 2 days a week so you have time to grocery shop, volunteer, get your hair done, go the gym, nap….etc When you are busy concentrating on other things besides your husband being gone, the time will go by faster.

    Do you think the time apart is โ€œworth itโ€ for the benefits/challenges you gain by joining the Navy? (I realize thatโ€™s probably a hard question to answer given that we all have different ideals for life.)

    We certainly don’t do it for the benefits or the money. We love being apart of something bigger than ourselves.

    But in general, do you think most Navy wives have found they are glad to be stronger for those challenges Navy life has presented?

    I have met the most creative, independent, resilient, fun, organized, imaginative and amazing “military spouses”. Our life demands it!

    Do you think their marriages have grown even closer from the time apart during deployments?

    “The Honeymoon Period”, we all know it well. That week or so where you are walking on clouds and intoxicated in love until the rigors of daily life and “duty” sneaks in to disrupt the “bliss”. I do think marriages grow extremely close. Don’t get me wrong, not everything is always perfect….every marriage has its ups and downs….that is just normal.

    Also, in a 4 year contract as an officer, how many times should we expect he may be on deployment?

    It depends on his warfare specialty, typically on a sea tour you will spend 6 – 9 months at sea then 3-6 months home. That doesn’t count any schools. He’ll be gone a lot.

    Like I said before, it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.

    Reply
  • 13. Katie  |  November 18, 2007 at 4:40 pm

    I can’t thank you enough for your thoughtful insight and the time you took to read my questions and respond. I appreciate it more than you know! In fact, I just read your responses aloud to my husband and smiled at the end as I said to him, “It is SOoooo nice to have someone “on the inside” to be able to communicate with and ask questions like these to.” Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time & input! My husband & I both love the idea of being part of something bigger, joining to be serving our country & the greater purposes at large. I didn’t mean to send the impression that we were only in it for the benefits or money. Not at all. ๐Ÿ™‚ Those are an advantage, but what is most appealing is the experience of giving in that way, and feeling as though we’re able to contribute in some capacity for the greater good. I suppose some might call that a sense of “purpose” or “duty” — the gratification that what we’re doing is not based on selfish motives. I really admire our military men & women and the families that support our troops. There is a strength and beauty about it that can’t be paralleled. (That’s appealing in its own right!) God bless you, your husbands & your families for the service you all are doing! What a sacrificial lifestyle you lead. We’re hoping to meet with the recruiter again this week to go over more specifics within the different fields. I’m sure I’ll have more questions and will probably be writing again soon. Thanks again for your time & encouragement.

    Reply
  • 14. justasubwife  |  November 20, 2007 at 2:12 pm

    I thought I would take a stab at answering the questions above. I think itโ€™s wonderful that Katie is looking into the military life and asking these questions so that she is not going blind folded into this type of life style.

    First a little about me, Not only am I a Navy Wife, I was a Marine Corps child dependant my whole life. Both my parents were in the military and even though they got a divorce, it wasn’t because of the military. Growing up with the military I can tell you that children can get through the tough parts of a military life with little to no problems, as long as the parent at home is strong. When I say strong I don’t mean that mom can’t cry, or you can’t have a bad day or a bad week; I mean that mom is there to let the children vent in their own way, mom is there to do the daily activities and to have fun with. You may be surprised that children can easily adjust to having only one parent and then adjust back to having both parents.

    *What is it like to be a Navy Wife?
    You learn to be independent and learn to take on challenges that you never thought possible.
    Life as a military/Navy wife is going to throw you curve balls and is going to be similar to trying to walk on Jell-O. Understand that your date book and address book should be written in pencil because you could end up moving more than you want to and you could end up scheduling and rescheduling vacations and other events. Keep in mind that dates for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are JUST dates and can be celebrated on a different date if something like a deployment or school keeps you separated. Enjoy life, make sure that you enjoy the things that you want and make friends where you are, the world is small and the military will show you just how small it actually is.

    *Do you ever get lonely?
    Yes….. And NO….. And Yes ….. lol there are nights where my husband has been away and I can’t sleep. My husband has been in for over six years and we have been through two 6 month fast attack submarine deployments and countless uderways (the boat out to sea for anywhere between 1 day ~ 5 months and 29 days). But during the time that we were with the fast attack command, I loved it! I love my husband with all my heart but I will say I enjoyed life whether he was home or he was away. You will adjust, if you let your self! Be strong, because thatโ€™s the only way you can stay sane and itโ€™s the only way your ‘sailor’ can stay sane.

    *Do you get to spend time with your husband at all?
    Yes…. LOL I’ll tell you there were times that I wanted him home with us and then there are times that he was home that I just wanted him to leave again. LOL I love him but … Iโ€™ve learned that he can annoy the crap out of me at times. Right now we are on shore duty (not attached to a boat/sub/ship), and hubby is home all the time. The kids love it and I love it, but talk about an adjustment when youโ€™re used to him only being home a few days or weeks a month. I think it makes the marriage stronger to have the changes.

    **Just curious because, I might be a Navy wife here soon.

    My advice to you is be open minded, know that it is ok to get frustrated and angry at the Navy, take advantage of learning about different cultures and life styles, learn how to show your love in more ways than words and touch, and know that there are a ton of others in your situation and that we are here as a shoulder to lean on or may have an answer to your question.

    Hope this helps!

    Reply
  • 15. Marie  |  November 20, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Katie~
    You guys are on the right track and there are many people that join for “benefits” which is perfectly fine, but then those are the people that end up so unhappy serving and cannot wait to get out. I always bring that up to those thinking of joining.I don’t think you have anything to worry about! Keep talking, ask as many questions as you can, and talk to as many people (like us) who are NOT recruiters! lol And keep praying on it, you’ll know if this is right for your family by doing so. There is the Navy truth, and then there is the real truth. As soon as you get more info, let us know. If we don’t know the answer, guarantee we can find someone that does!

    Reply
  • 16. Romell  |  December 4, 2007 at 7:31 am

    My husband is joining the navy in April. I would like to know. What are the chances that I could be living with him if he gets stationed.?

    Reply
  • 17. Wendy  |  December 4, 2007 at 10:50 am

    Romell –
    Are you talking about his first duty station? If so, then yes….you should be able to PCS / live with him….unless he gets a set of unaccompanied orders. He won’t get orders until he graduates boot camp so, it will be awhile before you know where you all will be moving too. ๐Ÿ™‚ Does that answer your question??

    Reply
  • 18. Betty  |  January 10, 2008 at 5:30 am

    I’m a Navy wife and have been for four years now. My husband is about to leave this Spring for his second deployment to the Gulf, and it will be followed by an additional “Surge” deployment of approx. 4 mos. So, he really won’t be around for most of the upcoming year. In fact, he won’t be here much at all prior to his scheduled sep. date in 2009. This is why he suggested moving our daughter and myself back East to be with family and friends. My question is, how can we get the Navy to help finance this expensive move? Who should we talk to about this? It is imparative that I get back to family. I’ve been experiencing severe depression, and I simply have no support here in CA. I cannot endure another 10-12mos without help. However, I don’t want to say or do anything that would damage his career. Any advice would be most helpful. If you could please respond via email, I would be very grateful. Thank you so much.

    Reply
  • 19. Marie  |  January 10, 2008 at 6:10 am

    Betty,
    I see this a lot at the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society Office. There are women that feel the exact same way. I do know that your husbands orders must be for at least 12 months “boots on ground” for the Navy to pay for your move back home. If your husbands orders are for less than 12 months, go talk to your fleet and family support center and do a budget with the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society to see what your financial options are. Last, but not least, you can have your husband ask about this with his command! See what resources they have and what they can do to help. The answer is no until you ask. It does not make your husband look bad as long as he ask in an appropriate way. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope that this helps. Our emails are as followed:
    marie@navywiferadio.com
    wendy@navywiferadio.com
    Good Luck Betty, we are here for you!

    Reply
  • 20. Wendy  |  January 10, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Betty – I’ve emailed you directly…here is part of my email….

    Your request for a response via email…..if that means you’d like your question removed from the site and only discussed via email please let me know.

    Thanks for taking the time to ask us your question.

    By “boots on ground” Marie means if your husband is deployed on an IA vs. on a ship. The only way the Navy will pay for a move is if it is a PCS move or if he is IA for 365 days (boots on ground/not counting training).

    This Navy life is crazy and I know separations can be so difficult to deal with….my heart goes out to you. I think every military wife has had her “moments”. You can check with your local FFSC and see if they offer counseling services….I know ours does. You can go in for an appt. and talk to someone and just get all your worries, concerns off your chest. Talking about the stresses of deployments does help. My husband is currently on a 13 mon. deployment to Afghanistan….so I can relate to enduring a long deployment. I know moving is expensive….it is hard choice to make. I’ve known a wife who after moving to be with family missed being near a base and all its services and being around other military spouses. Each situation is different and only you know what your family needs. Please keep in touch. We are here for you. Wendy

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  • 21. Wendy  |  January 10, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Betty – I also wanted to include….Military Spouse Magazine has a great forum that is filled with military wives to chat about military life with and connect. We hope to have a forum in the future, in the meantime you can go to http://www.milspouse.com ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 22. Allyson  |  February 1, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Everyone,

    My fiance is planning on going to the Navy and I just wanted to ask a few questions. He wants to get married after he comes out of boot camp so that before he leaves again I can go with him. Is that how it goes? He’s also signing up for a four year contract…Am I going to be alone a lot? How does it work being a Navy wife? I have so many concerns going into this lifestyle. I would appreciate any feedback. Allyson.

    Reply
  • 23. Marie  |  February 2, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Allyson,
    Welcome and congratulations on your engagement! Once you are married and he gets orders to a base where he is going to be stationed, yes you can move with him in most cases. Does he know what he will do in the Navy yet? It’s called his rate. That will help me tell you more. My husband and I were engaged when he went into boot camp and we got married very quickly after boot camp b/c he couldn’t really get any leave. (time off). Looking back, we wish we would’ve gone ahead and just got married right before he left. Again, it depends on what his job in the Navy is, if he will be gone a lot. But, I would count on him being gone and prepare yourself for that. If you live on base where he is stationed, you will have a ton of support from other wives.
    Allyson, you have to remember it is your life and it will be what you make of it. If you think it’s going to suck, it will. If you focus on the better things, you can make this experience a really great one. My husband and I have been doing this for 7 years and it wasn’t always easy or fun, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Ask LOTS of questions and be open with your fiance. Only you can make the choice. Keep asking questions, we are here for you!!

    Marie

    Reply
  • 24. Shannon  |  February 3, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    Well, my boyfriend of 5 years asked me to marry him on Christmas. As of last week he has decide that he and his best friend are 99% sure they are joining the Navy this summer with the Buddy System in place so they can stay together. This was a HUGE surprise. I thought I was going to marry a banker who was home all the time. Now I am concerned.

    I’ve never been alone and I don’t know how supportive I will be through all of this. I already suffer from depression and anxiety as it is. I also feel slightly aggravated at him because all of a sudden my life will be completely different without me getting much of a say so. I feel like my fiancรฉe is running off to the Navy with his best friend, leaving me behind to deal with myself and our relationship. Not to mention, the great wedding we were going to save up for (June 2009) will now have to be moved to somewhere around this May. It’ll have to be a cheap wedding without a honeymoon…. I just really needed to vent and get my head straight. Does anyone have any advice?

    I have no problem with the Navy. It is exciting to hear about the travel and new friends that you make…. I just don’t know how I really feel. I’d be changing everything. My mom was a Navy wife for a while and she thought it was excellent. This is just not what I was expecting when I said yes to the proposal.

    Also, does anyone know how often a Military Police person gets deployed? Is there an average? Will I be alone ยฝ of every year?

    Reply
  • 25. Shannon  |  February 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    Sorry it’s a Military Police, it’s Master at Arms…. I think that’s how you would write it.

    Reply
  • 26. Shannon  |  February 3, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Geeze, I can’t type tonight. I meant to say… It’s not called a Military Police, it is called a Master at Arms.

    Reply
  • 27. Marie  |  February 4, 2008 at 7:31 am

    Shannon,

    Welcome! LOL! You got it right, your future husband would be an MA. Your fiance needs to consider this very carefully b/c most MA’s do not work with the Navy, they work for the Marines, which is a completely different life style. Not bad, but different. I will speak to a friend of mine today (marine wife) and get her input. Also, a lot of guys want to become MA’s thinking they will be chasing the bad guys, not always so. On the base we are at, MA’s stand longs watches saying, “Weapons or contraband??” I’m not sure on the deployments, I will ask that too today, but I know when they are “here” they have very long shifts. I don’t say any of this to worry you, but to give you an honest view. Also, the buddy system is a cute idea, but do they realize that they can be split up after boot camp/school? Unless there is something new the NAvy is doing as an incentive, I don’t think they will be guaranteed to be stationed together. . .But it is a possibility. Now to you. If you are having problems with depression and anxiety, I would strongly suggest you help yourself first. No matter what the deployments are like, or even if he is on a shore based command, you will be alone alot and you won’t be able to just pick up the phone and call him to come home. You need to be ok with this life style before going into it. I would hate to see you hurt or unhappy. You must put yourself first on this. I have seen your situation first hand and it puts a huge strain on you, your spouse, and your marriage if you are going to struggle with depression and anxiety. I just have to give you kuddos for knowing who you are and what you can handle. This can work for your advantage. Life is what you make of it. And if you go into this knowing what to expect, and know that you can handle it, you will be ok. Ok, Shannon, good luck and I’ll write more later today!

    Reply
  • 28. Shannon  |  February 4, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    Marie,

    Thank you so much for your input. It really does help. I wasn’t aware that the MAs work more with the Marines then the Navy. That’s interesting. I wonder if they still go out for their 6 months every year and a half then?

    I’m very interested to hear what your friend’s input is. Please let me know. And I’ll keep researching. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 29. Marie  |  February 4, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Well, I spoke with a few people today who’s husbands work with MA’s. . .I did get that MA’s do answer to the Marines . . .And it can be rough. I will ask some more questions this week! I’ll send you a private email with my answers! Good Luck Shannon!

    Marie

    Reply
  • 30. Wendy  |  February 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    (deep breath)

    Shannon –

    Let me clear some things up.

    I think Marie is talking about “some MA’s” on her installation and not Navy wide. MA’s do not always “answer to the Marines”. They are generally not Gate Guards (Do you have any weapons or contraband?), those folks are generally regular Sailors that augment the security forces.

    The husband has known 25 plus year MAs who have NEVER worked for or with ANY Marines. So, although some MA’s might work with the Marines, they do not “answer to them” exclusively.

    We do our best to answer questions and will provide updates/corrections when needed.

    Our expertise is in the “Spouse side of the house” vs. rate information. You can visit http://www.askthechief.com for answers to specific questions regarding rates etc…..

    I hope that helps clear up any confusion.

    As far as dealing with your boyfriend/soon to be husband being deployed and learning about the military lifestyle, you are on the right track visiting websites like ours and others (like military.com and milspouse.com) that have forums etc. where you can connect with many spouses that can relate.

    Thank you for being so open. You might consider pre-marriage counseling to get all of your concerns out in the open. Its important to make sure you are both ready and to not feel “rushed” into marriage. Going through a deployment still engaged may not be a bad thing, that way you will get an idea of Navy life. That first separation will be the perfect insight into the Navy lifestyle. I dated my Sailor through several underways and it certainly gave me a taste of Navy wife life.

    Keep in mind MA’s get deployed a lot, to places like Bahrain…etc…

    Please let me know if these answers were helpful to you.

    Good luck and Keep in Touch!

    Reply
  • 31. Marie  |  February 5, 2008 at 6:12 am

    Shannon, sorry, you do get the “wives” experience here, nit the actual Navy’s. Remember that we can only give thoughts and opinions. :O) I see how Wendy and I are both making it sound, The women I spoke to are Marines Wives in over 15 and 20 years. But they are just the wives, not active duty. I made sure to mention that above. Also I can only vouch for a handful of MA’s personally and their job has only been to say, “Weapons or Contraband”? But they have been in for only 5-10 yrs.Of course not all would be this way, but we live on a base that uses this more. And our MA’s do answer to the Marines. Or maybe these guys we know are a bad example. I did keep into consideration that your fiance wants to sign up for a four year contract. 4 yrs isn’t a long time, and their is a lot you can end up doing.

    Reply
  • 32. Marie  |  February 5, 2008 at 6:17 am

    I don’t regret the information given, just how it was given. I should have been more clear. This is just from my view. It’s still good to have b/c you fiance could end up at this base, doing this job, you just don’t know. It would be great to get on a message board and get infor from wives around the world at different bases. That should help you a lot. Good Luck!

    Reply
  • 33. Shannon  |  February 5, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    Thank you for your input everyone. You have all been very helpful to me.

    Do you mind if I ask what you all do with the spare time you have, when your husbands are gone? Iโ€™ll be all by myself, we donโ€™t have any kids. I do attend school full time online so that will keep me busy and I guess work will too. But what about at night? What do you do when youโ€™ve had a bad day and no one is home to talk to? Or you just want to hear that everything will be okay? How do you keep it all together and hold your head up high and not get depressed?

    Also, can you have a dog when you live on base.

    Reply
  • 34. Marie  |  February 6, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Easy question first,
    Yes you can have a dog on base. I am pretty sure that all bases allow dogs, some might have weight limits or even “pet friendly housing”, which just means there is two different housing groups, one for people with pets and one without.
    Now to the hard stuff. My heart hit my stomach when I read your question b/c it hits home for a milspouse. If you are newly married w/o kids, a dog helps, making good friends, and starting hobbies or working/volunteering keeps you busy. You have to keep going and think of it as YOUR LIFE. You had a life before your sailor and you still have one with him. When he is deployed, your life will go on, and he will come and go out of it. So, to answer your question, when you’ve had a bad day and come home to an empty house, call your girlfriend and talk to her as you would your husband. And believe it or not, that’s what I do. My girlfriends become “stand ins” for my husband. I call to share a great story, to vent, or even if I can’t sleep and I’m stressed about something. It’s how we cope and make it through. And that girlfriend will tell you everything will be ok. Milspouses are an amazing breed of women who become your family. The best part is that the are a family you get to chose! ๐Ÿ™‚ And about depression. You have to make the choice to wake up every day and focus on what is good. Even when your sailor is deployed, you need to be able to see how blessed you truly are. It is a conscious decision and not always an easy one. And yes, you do get lonely, you will cry, and no matter how strong you are, it sucks. No one want to be separated from their best friend, and soul mate.

    Reply
  • 35. nathan totton  |  March 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    hello there…i have written a song for the troops in iraq and for the american people…i would love to send you a copy…thank you….nathan totton

    Reply
  • 36. Wendy  |  March 10, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Hi Nathan – I’d love to hear the song! I’ll be sending you a private email to chat further on this!

    Thank you for your support of military families!

    Reply
  • 37. Mandy  |  March 11, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Hi… I am in sort of a predicament right now and I really need some good advice from people who have experience in this area. I have been with my high school sweetheart for 5 years and we are head over heels in love with each other. He is a college graduate, and I will have my first teaching degree in May. I thought we were on the same page about our future until he told me the other day he was considering joining the Navy. I have to say I was taken aback because he graduated college and has been making a career for himself, and has never mentioned the military before. I love him, and I want him to be happy, but I cannot help but be concerned that it may put my career in jeopardy when we get married. I am going to be a teacher, and if we are having to move around all the time I do not know if that is going to negatively impact my ability to get a job. Does anyone know how that would work out as far as my career is concerned?

    Reply
  • 38. Marie  |  March 13, 2008 at 6:30 am

    Mandy,

    First, the service is a career choice for many people. Men and women join both as enlisted and officer with degrees. My husband was in college when he joined. We enjoy the life and the fact that he is serving, so we are making a career out of it.
    Second, teaching just happens to be in the top 5 jobs for a military spouse. It is a job that you can do any where there is a base to be stationed at! Many military wives are teachers. In fact, a number of my friends are. It just so happens that you will have a job that allows you to live any where. I suggest you talk to your boyfriend about this more, ask as many questions as you can, and remember that you both need to be happy for this to work. Good Luck!!!

    Reply
  • 39. Marie  |  March 13, 2008 at 6:45 am

    Mandy,

    I just wanted to add that I think your career will be great. I would suggest asking your BF what job he is wanting to have in the military and you both should be talking about deployments, having children, and how you both handle stress and being apart from each other. Please voice all of your thoughts and concerns with him now so that you both can make the decision.

    Reply
  • 40. Wendy  |  March 17, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    Hi Mandy –

    This has to be one of our most popular questions!

    I’m thinking being a teacher would be a very portable career. Each state might have different certificate requirements so you’d have to do a little research if/when he joins and you find out your first duty station. There is a program called Spouses to Teachers which is the counterpart to Troops to Teachers that exists exclusively to help spouses be teachers stateside and overseas.

    http://www.spousestoteachers.com/

    We hope to have a message board in the future, in the meantime I suggest visiting http://www.milspouse.com and posing your question in the forums….they have thousands of spouses that visit the site everyday.

    You are on the right track of asking lots of questions. Joining the Navy for one tour or for a career is a big decision and through careful thought and prayer, Im sure you both will make the right decision.

    Keep the questions coming!

    Good Luck and Keep in Touch!

    Reply
  • 41. Mya  |  March 25, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Hi,

    I am not a navy wife, but I thought it was possible in the near future until my boyfriend stopped calling. He is a chief in the Navy and told me over a week ago he would call me later that night if he got a chance – he would be on “on duty”. I am not even sure what that means. Well, he has never called or emailed since. Until now, he has been very consistent…we have talked daily for over 5 months by phone and email. All of a sudden, no communicaton what so ever. Does this sound familiar to anyone? If he has changed his mind about me…wow! I really didn’t see this coming. I know things have picked up for him at work, but he never mentioned NO contact what so ever. I just feel very confused and nearly disoriented. HELP! Any advise is welcomed. Thanks ladies.

    Mya

    Reply
  • 42. Marie  |  March 25, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Mya,

    I know you are upset and worried.
    Easiest way to explain~ Having Duty is when the sailor is usually attatched to the ship/boat/sometimes office/etc and it last at least 24hrs. They take turns having Duty Days. Sometimes they are not able to call.

    This is a very personal situation and only your boyfriend can give the right answer. He “could” be deployed and will be able to contact you at some point in the near future. If he is not deployed, we really are not able to give any help or advice.

    I wish the best for you!

    Reply
  • 43. Wendy  |  March 26, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Mya –
    If he was on watch, he is not available to call. When he got off of watch he was probably exhausted and went to bed. Their schedules can be crazy. Your question doesn’t state how long it has been since you have heard from him….many Navy wives can relate stories of the boat / ship leaving without much notice which might of been the case. Im hoping you will hear from him soon and get the answers you are looking for. *Hugs* ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 44. ELIZABETH  |  April 2, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Hi, My name is Elzabeth, And I am falling for a salior station in New Orleans and I live in Pa Just to update we known each other for years and we just reunited . My question is I really like him a lot but I am having trouble finding things to talk to him about. He will tell me about some thing he has done or where he’s been but I don’t know what to say.So how do I keep confersation going with out thing beign boring on my end.I feel I can not truly understand how he feels being station there with out family or friends around any suggestion on how i can make this work?Thank you

    Reply
  • 45. Marie  |  April 3, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Elizabeth,

    What a very sweet question. I know it must be hard for both of you b/c you can’t relate to his life style at the moment. But here is the thing. . .In my opinion if you are meant to be, everything will works itself out! My only suggestion for you to get to know your boyfriend better is to ask a TON of questions!! Even as new wives, we all asked a ton of questions. IT is how you learn!! You’ll be fine! Good Luck!

    Reply
  • 46. Wendy  |  April 4, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Elizabeth – There are no “dumb” questions, so don’t worry about asking as many questions as you can think of during your calls. Plus, “long distance” relationships can be difficult. Before your calls make a list of questions or things you’d like to know….that way when you do talk you make the most of your time. Some people are talkers and some are not….try letter writing / emailing. I still love to get letters / emails from my honey after “all these years”. It can be “easier” to write down what you are thinking vs. saying “the right words”. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 47. Heather  |  April 7, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    Ok here it goes. My boyfriend is going through boot camp as I type. He is almost done…only 2 1/2 weeks left! Anyways we have been talking alot about getting married while he is in A-school so that we can leave with each other and don’t have to go another 4 long years apart. These past 8 weeks have been horrible!! I miss him so much. I know we will get married someday but do you think we are going about this right? I want to live with him and spend my life with him, but moving away from my family is going to be tough. Also what kind of benefits does a sailor’s wife get? I am really confused about that. All of this is so new to me!! I am so freaked out! PLEASE HELP!!!

    Reply
  • 48. Marie  |  April 7, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Heather,
    I was engaged to my husband while he was in boot camp. WE were married while he was in school. I know exactly how you feel about being apart right now. I remember thinking it was the hardest thing I have ever done and that I would never want him to leave like that again. That was over ten deployments ago and he has spent half of our seven year marriage away.

    Here is the deal. Don’t rush. My husband and I did, and even though it worked out, we went through some very hard times and we both agree it would have been wise to wait. I believe that if you are meant to be, you are meant to be. You will know in your heart when the time is right. Do not marry him just b/c you don’t want to be “Apart”. Marraige is a full time job. It is hard work and takes so much more to last than the “fun stuff” that you do in the begining. It’s even harder as a military wife. You will be in a entirly different world and you might not have family close to fall back on for support. Besides, you could get married and he could still be away from you. My advice would be to wait and see where his orders will be to his first duty sation. Schools are never too long and it will give you time to become even closer. Then, if you still want to get married, go for it! That way you won’t have to move around the extra time. Plus, some schools are too short and the Navy will not move the spouse there anyway. I know that writing letters and late long phone conversations are the best way to get to know someone! Below is a link for benifits. Wives get full medical, dental coverage and life insurance are available at little cost, and you have base priviliges. . .things like that. Do your homework and if you are having to question it, that may be a good reason to wait until there are no questions! ; ) Good Luck Heather!!! Let us know if there is anything else we can answer!

    Reply
  • 49. Marie  |  April 7, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    http://www.military.com – and go to benefits

    Also-

    http://www.milspouse.com – has some great links

    I hope that this helps

    Reply
  • 50. Marla  |  April 7, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Marie you might remember me as earthdaymommy on yahoo ๐Ÿ™‚

    How does your book club work??

    Reply
  • 51. Wendy  |  April 7, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    Heather –

    Thank you for your question. I will tell you the time apart never gets easier, just different.

    The average deployment is 6 plus months, so although you have been apart 8 weeks, it is just a small taste of what Navy life will be like. That is why you will hear folks say the Navy lifestyle is not for everyone. The best advice I can offer you is to go through a deployment as a “girlfriend” and see how you do. Rushing into marriage because you want to be together only to have him leave a short time later might be a tough dose of reality. ….add to it you are in a new city trying to build a life alone.

    Keep in mind everyone’s situation is different. Some wives will tell you how they dropped everything to move with their Sailor and 20plus years later are still together and happy. Others will tell you they were too young and didn’t realize the “work” involved in keeping a long distance relationship together and their marriages didn’t survive. It is a personal choice that is unique to your situation. Marie makes a good point, if you are meant to be, it will happen. *hugs* ๐Ÿ™‚

    Set your personal goals for your education and career so that when he is deployed your life does not completely revolve around him. You will be happier if you have something of your own and if you are happy, he will be happy. Best of luck to you! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 52. Marie  |  April 8, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Marla,

    Of course I remember you!
    Well, Wendy and I are putting together a list of both Milspouse and non-milspouse books for a reading list.

    We both LOVE a good book and want to share our favorites!

    We will also invite others to join us when we are reading a certain book so that we can talk about it “on air” and blog about it.

    I will bring this up tonight on our show!

    Thanks for writing!!!

    M

    Reply
  • 53. Cirissa  |  April 9, 2008 at 7:54 am

    How can you find out what the wives group or however it is called for the ship my husband is on? I seem to be left in the dark with information.

    Reply
  • 54. Marie  |  April 9, 2008 at 8:42 am

    Your ombudsman/key person should have that information for you. Do you have the ombudsman’s #?? If not, call your bases quarter deck and ask for it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 55. Wendy  |  April 9, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Cirissa – Let me guess…he is out sea right now?? For all the negative things that are said about wives group, there really isn’t anyone who understands what you are going through like the wives whose husbands are deployed with yours. I think it is great you are trying to get involved/make contact with the other spouses. If he is home, your husband should be able to find out your Ombudsman and/or FRG leaders information. If he is gone, contact your FFSC and they will be able to pass your info along to your Ombudsman. Your Omb. will know if your command has a Spouse Group/FRG. Let us know if you are successful!

    Reply
  • 56. Sarah Joy  |  April 9, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    I’m not married to him yet, we’re just gf/bf. But we want to get married later. If he moves up a rank and gets promoted to where he’s allowed to leave the barracks, and live off base, am I allowed to move in with him?

    Reply
  • 57. Marie  |  April 9, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Once your BF is allowed to live off base, the military is like any other job when it comes to living arrangements. He can buy a house, rent an apartment and who he lives with is his business. I hope that answers your question. Now, the military will not move you or give him any extra money to support you. In fact, if he is just starting out, most guys share apartments just to be able to afford rent. You will most likely have to work and maybe even have another roommate. Is your BF Navy? If he is, he can go into the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society and do a budget to see what he can afford to do. There is so much more to consider than just your bills. The NMCRS will give him a ton of resources and educate him on his decision.

    Let me know if I didn’t answer your question!

    Reply
  • 58. Sarah Joy  |  April 9, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Well, kinda… yes, he’s in the Navy, and he’s got (hopefully) just 9 months left of active duty… So, he’s been in for 3 years April 17th. He mentioned that the Navy would give him an allowance for moving off base, like, they’d pay him extra but only a certain amount so that he could have his own place. But I could still move in with him, right? I don’t know if it’d be worth it, though… maybe if he did ‘move out’, I could just visit him for some time…
    Also, one more thing… he mentioned the Navy was going to be really busy in the summer… so much so that he’s wondering if maybe he wouldn’t get to see me until this August… That would hurt so much! Do you have any idea what they might be doing? Do you think it’s likely they’d say yes to his chit for leave?

    Reply
  • 59. Mrs. Agui  |  April 10, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    it’s my first time here. I’m a navy wife who just had to go back home with mom and dad because my husband got deployed with unaccompanied orders. Is very hard but like they say you have to be strong not for you but for them and you kids.

    Reply
  • 60. Marie  |  April 12, 2008 at 10:27 am

    Sarah Joy,

    Your BF will recieve an allowance when he moves off base, it is called BAH (Basic Allownce for Housing). It is not always enough to live off base. It is calculated by time in and rank. The lower you are, the less you get. A lot of guys still have roommate to make ends meet. You have to remember the utilites are hundreds of dollars, you have to have renters insurance (that is less than 20 dollars a mo) but it all adds up.

    Yes, you can live with him. And I think he means that his command will be busy, not the Navy itself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Even if I knew what command he was attached to, I couldn’t tell you what they are doing due to OPSEC (Operational Security) You cannot discuss that information. Only he can decide what he can and cannot tell you. I’m sorry for that. I know it is hard. With the leave chit, again we cannot tell you anything. You BF can always put in the chit, it’s up to his command to approve it or not. But you have to remember, he is in the Navy. He cannot just take off when ever he wants to. If he is deploying, it is very possible to be gone that long.

    You must consider that if you want to move to be with him. You could still be without him most of the year. It’s better to be prepared for the worst and it end up being better, than to no be prepared at all.

    I hope this helps you. Good Luck and talk with your sailor.

    Reply
  • 61. Marie  |  April 12, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Mrs. Agui,

    Thanks for joining us. WELCOME! I hope you check out our blog!

    http://www.mymilitarylife.wordpress.com or you can click on the BLOG tab on the top of this page.

    Reply
  • 62. Marie  |  April 12, 2008 at 10:31 am

    It can help you get though the “hard days”

    Reply
  • 63. Wendy  |  April 13, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    Sarah Joy – Thanks for your question.

    Yes, if he moves off base you would be able to “live with him” even if you are not married. I personally vote for marriage before living together….but then again that is a personal decision. If you are working, then affording a place large enough for both of you shouldn’t be an issue. Depending on his rank, if he is the sole bread winner your options might be limited. These are all great questions. Hang in there….going through a deployment while you are still a girlfriend is smart. Separation is never easy, see how you do…..just know if we can do it…..so can you.

    Keep us in your favorites and check back with us, we’d love to know how things are going. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 64. Wendy  |  April 13, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Mrs. Agui – Im so glad you found our site. Separations are never easy. Be sure to listen on Tuesday’s, sharing our stories helps the time go by faster. *Hugs*

    Reply
  • 65. Lily Grace  |  April 20, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    I am almost 19 and just finishing my first year of college. My boyfriend is finishing up his 2/c year at the academy. We met two years ago and have been strong ever since. We come from very different backgrounds but we complement eachother perfectly. We want to be married. We see our future together and are on the same page as far as financial and family planning. Each of our parents and friends know that we are seriously in love and want to spend our lives together. His parents are supportive and mine not so much. They worry that the life I will lead will be too difficult and that we are both too young. I dont want to have a strained relationship with my parents, but my boyfriend is my best friend. I already consider him a part of my family. When something big happens he is the first one I call and we celebrate together or comfort eachother. I partially chose the college I am at now to be closer to him. We spent last year as a long distance couple and built our relationship on excellent communication and love eachother very much. We have spent a significant time apart and are both strong enough to handle it. Of course I miss him, but the times we are together make everything else worth it. I believe in us, and he believes in us. We know we can handle anything. All I would like is to know your honest opinions as to whether we will make it or not. I am planning to transfer schools to live with him upon his graduation. The only difficulty is that I will lose my parents funding my education. Does this sound crazy? I know it will be hard while he’s away but It would be just as hard if not harder without being legally married. Does it sound like I have spent alot of time thinking, am mature, not rushing into anything?

    I really would like to know from an outside perspective. Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 66. Leanne  |  April 21, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Okay, here’s the deal. I have been searching endlessly online for some information that can help me to get organized, this seems to be exactly what im looking for! I am going to be married in two months to my childhood sweetheart, who happens to be in the navy. He’s stationed in Bremerton W.A. at the naval base there, i will be moving there from Denver, CO immideatly after we get married. The marrying him is easy, spending the restof my life with him is totally awsome, but i have no clue about the navy! Ive been the the base, stayed on the base actually, in the navy lodge. But it really showed me how i have no clue about this part of his life. i am packing my car and driving there, road trip style. Hes currently in the barracks, so were going to move out. We need to find a place, somewhere to find a bed, furniture.. ahhh… i have no clue… please give me some experienced navy wife advice. So far from what ive read, the constant moving, works, im origonally from B.C. Canada, move around a lot anyways.. im a free spirit. Being strong and flexable, i feel good about. We went to day care together, so im not so worried about the rest… just that i have no clue about the navy part.. or what changes, if any one we are married. Anything would help! thanks. You can e-mail me too, i would REALLY appreciate it. Ive had ahard time finding things in Bremerton about the town online being in denver still. Thanks!

    Reply
  • 67. Leanne  |  April 21, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    oh yeah, he’s E3 and with the E school he is in, he says he will be E5 by next year. this means nothing to me just yet, but i hope to figure this out. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 68. Leanne  |  April 21, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    my e-mail is (PERSEC) I teach fifth grade and am sorry for the horrible spelling and grammar in my above posts!!! Im just tired and I suppose excited to find this site, so i wanted to get it up quick. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Reply
  • 69. Marie  |  April 22, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Lily Grace,

    No one can tell you if you are going to make it or not. I have mentioned above that I married my husband a few months after turning 19. I too lost any assistance with school when I chose to get married. All I can tell you is that my husaband and I have agreed that getting married at 19 and 21 was one of the hardest things we have EVER done. We almost did not make it. We are now 26 and 28 and happily married. If we knew then what we know now, we would have waited. If you are meant to be, then you will be together. BUT, getting married young will only put more stress on you and your marriage. That is my honest opinion. And about the parents. My parents hated my husband! lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ But, now they love him. There would be nothing wrong with you finishing school, planing a wedding, and start off strong. You will be able to visit your husband until then. He will be gone a lot anyway. So, there are my thoughts on it all. I believe that you can make it when you get married so young, but you do take more of a gamble. Why gamble with a good thing!? : ) I hope this helps you!

    M

    Reply
  • 70. Marie  |  April 22, 2008 at 7:37 am

    Leanne,
    We are so happy to have you!! WELCOME!! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! How exciting! You have found the right place. We can help. So, first you asked about furniture. Start by seeing if your base has a thrift shop. Also, look out in town at good will and salvation army. I would suggest never financing furniture. Only buy what you can save for. Your soon to be husband needs to make an appointment with the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society at his base and ask them to do a projected budget for getting married and moving off base vs living on base. If he tells them this word for word, they will know what to do. So many of his pays will be changing when he gets promoted, gets, married, and moves off base, he really needs the society to go over all of it with him. They will have a number of recources (even for finding furniture) and be able to tell you exactly what you can afford to do.

    I love your personality and you should do well with the life style b/c of it!! You mentioned E3 and E5. . . Those are pay grades. Enlisted pay grades start at E1 and go up to E9. you can go to military.com (search pay charts)and look at the pay charts to see how it all works. He will have to make E4 before going to E5. And how much you make is determined by that and how long you have been in.

    Let us know what your next question is! And we will be LIVE tonight at 9pm eastern if you have any questions and/or comments!! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/navywiferadio

    Reply
  • 71. Marie  |  April 22, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Make sure you all read or BLOG! You can find it at the top of this page under BLOG or go to http://www.mymilitarylife.wordpress.com

    Reply
  • 72. Lily Grace  |  April 22, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    I really appreciate your opinion! Could you offer me some advice as to how you managed to get through school? DId you transfer to schools near your husband? Were you able to pay instate? Did you get loans?

    Reply
  • 73. Wendy  |  April 22, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    Lily Grace –

    Thank you for your question! I am a firm believer of finishing your school (or least most of it) prior to getting married. However, I understand love sometimes blurs our vision and we just HAVE to be with our man ASAP….nevermind the “logic” of it all!

    Every situation is different, and only you know what is best for you! When we are young we think we can conquer the world. Like I said in a previous post, take it slow…..if it is meant to be, it will be. Pray. Go through pre-marriage counseling, Pray some more…and brace yourself for being alone a lot of the time.

    As far as how I got through school, I had 3 years finished prior to getting married and then because I chose a school in his “home of record state” I was able to pay in-state tuition. Lots of schools offer that option. Also, I think a lot of state schools will honor military orders for in-state tuition purposes….after a year you should qualify for “in-state” tuition. Something to check into.

    Good luck to you and keep us posted!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 74. Wendy  |  April 22, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    Leanne-
    Congrats on your upcoming wedding! What an exciting time for you and your Sailor! As far as moving, furniture…etc…everything will fall into place, nothing can prepare you for the “real thing”. Just remember nothing has to be perfect….we can all relate to camping chairs and air mattresses until household goods arrive.

    Being a teacher, Im sure you are great at problem solving and will figure out this transition too!

    In the meantime here are some links about the area:
    https://www.cnic.navy.mil/kitsap/index.htm
    http://www.northwestnavigator.com/
    Have him request a welcome aboard packet from the local FFSC.

    We have mentioned this before, but once you get up there…..ask your soon to be husband who he gets along with at work and try to meet their spouse. Creating new friendships will make or break your time alone during deployments.

    You sound smart and funny which will serve you well as you become a “Navy Wife”.

    Congrats again and keep in touch!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 75. Lily Grace  |  April 23, 2008 at 12:10 am

    Wendy, thank you so much for your insight. I really take your experience seriously. I was also just interested in what you think made being married young so difficult? Was it the common belief that you still have some growing to do and could grow apart? Was it a money issue?

    Reply
  • 76. Wendy  |  April 23, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    Lily Grace –

    “what do you think made being married young so difficult? Was it the common belief that you still have some growing to do and could grow apart?”

    I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    As far as “was it a money issue”, I was working as a DoD civilian and he had already been active duty for a year…..so we were fortunate in that money wasn’t an issue.

    I think there is value in getting some life experience prior to marriage. When we are young we are building our career, finishing school…..quite frankly….maturing.

    You will see examples of successful marriages from both sides of the fence…..one or the other does not always equal success.

    I think it’s great you are getting advice…..and reaching out, even if you might not be getting the answers you are looking for….

    I sort of feel like “since when do we ever listen to our parents or others when it comes to decisions of the heart?!”

    I encourage you to keep and open mind…..and take comfort in the fact that if it’s meant to be…..it will be.

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  • 77. Dr. Larry Flegle  |  June 11, 2008 at 9:01 am

    http://www.aju.edu/

    The latest about us.

    Dr. Flegle

    Reply
  • 78. Jennifer  |  June 11, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Hi. well im new to this navy wife thing. my husband is leaving for boot camp and then a-school..i had a question.
    how long is it until i can move in with him at base?

    and wat am i suppose to expect?
    the more answers i get will be better.

    thank you.
    hopw to hear from you soon.

    Reply
  • 79. Wendy  |  June 11, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Dr. Flegle-

    Thank you for visiting our site!

    Reply
  • 80. Wendy  |  June 11, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    Hi Jennifer,

    Once your husband gets to his final duty station and gets PCS orders. Some A-Schools are 8 weeks, some are longer….so it just depends.

    Be sure to visit the message boards over at http://www.milspouse.com to learn more about the military lifestyle and to find spouses in your same situation.

    Good luck & please keep in touch!

    *Hugs*
    Wendy

    Reply
  • 81. Sierra  |  June 30, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    HI,
    SOoo I am engaged to a sailor =) and I found this show on itunes. Love it!!! I listened to an episode about NMCRS. I knitt and crochet and I was wondering how I could get involved with that area of donations for the new mothers.

    Reply
  • 82. Wendy  |  June 30, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Sierra,

    Congratulations on your engagement! Thanks for listening to the show and kind comments! As far as crocheting some items for the NMCRS here is a link to their website. You can look up which office in near you and contact them directly.

    http://www.nmcrs.org/locations.html

    Please keep in touch,
    Wendy

    Reply
  • 83. Jessica  |  June 30, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    Sierra,

    It is so good to hear from you! Glad you enjoy our show! Wendy left some great information in answer to your question. I sure hope that helps you out! Congratulations on your engagement. If we can help you with any other questions feel free to shoot ’em this way! Thanks again for you comment and hope to hear from you more!

    HUGS.
    Jess

    Reply
  • 84. Dr. Larry Flegle  |  July 8, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    ANDREW JACKSON UNIVERSITY

    Lowering the cost of attending collegeโ€ฆ

    Starting this week, Andrew Jackson University is testing a new method of financing a college education. We will be utilizing the private market with 21st century marketing techniques to completely eliminate out-of-pocket tuition for our students.

    To take advantage of this new and unique opportunity, students need only to apply to Andrew Jackson University through one of our marketing partner sites. Applying through a partner site makes the applicant eligible for a 100% tuition sponsorship for their entire program at AJU. Once enrolled, the student will only need to pay a per-semester student fee, a per-course proctoring fee, and for textbooks. The net effect of this program is that a student can reduce out of pocket expenses by 50% or more while studying at AJU.

    To date, AJU has entered into two sponsor partnerships. The first is with an up-and-coming Social Learning Network called PupilCity (www.pupilcity.com); the second is with a local Alabama magazine, Birmingham Parent.

    ‘Take Education Anywhere’ has another meaning. At AJU, we make education accessible and affordable – Anywhere!

    For more information, contact admissions at 800-429-9300, opt 1.

    – Don Kassner, AJU President

    Reply
  • 85. Jennifer  |  July 29, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    I just married a man in the navy and I was just wondering how long it takes for the insurance to begin. I already have health insurance and want to cancel but I don’t know when to do so. He says it begins immediately but I have no insurance card.

    Reply
  • 86. Renee  |  July 31, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    At what point can a sailor live with their families? They are currently going through Gunners Mate school. Do they have to reside in the barracks or is there an option to live in either on base housing or off basing housing with their family?
    Thank you so much!

    Reply
  • 87. Wendy  |  August 3, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    Hi Jennifer,

    Your husband needs to take your Marriage License into his local PSD (Personnel Support Detachment) and have you enrolled in DEERS. If you already have an ID you are enrolled in DEERS, if you don’t you can schedule an appt. to get your ID Card. Once you have your ID Card and you are in DEERS, you and your husband (or just you if he is out to sea) can go to the local Tri-Care office and enroll.

    It’s important to go together, so you can review your options. If you already have a health plan, you might consider using Tri-Care as a supplement.

    Hope this info was helpful.

    Keep in touch and welcome to the Navy family!

    Reply
  • 88. Wendy  |  August 3, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    Renee,

    Normally, that is left up to the chain of the command of the school. The Sailor needs to talk to the lead instructor regarding the schools policy.

    Thanks for the question.

    Please keep in touch.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 89. katie  |  September 9, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    Hey Ladies,

    I’m a huge military history buff and have grown to love the whole idea of being a military wife. Unfortunately, I live in a part of the country where there are no bases. Any thoughts on how a girl could get hooked up with a fighter pilot?

    Reply
  • 90. Wendy  |  September 10, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    Katie – When I read your question I just had to chuckle. I’ll leave this question open for our readers to answer as well.

    As for me, I’d have to say the life of a military spouse might look exciting and glamorous; however when your husband is at sea more nights in one year than at home, the glamor quickly fades. My best advice is prayer.

    Reply
  • 91. vanessa  |  September 12, 2008 at 1:52 am

    Like so many people here I am a new Navy Wife, and am at a complete loss of what to do. At this point my husband is out for only 2 weeks, but because of the impending hurricane (ike) he may have to go there… I have heard horror stories of no contact for nearly 3 months is that possible… does that really happen?

    Also my husband is a bit shy on asking questions… it took him 3 months to get his email… so i can contact that way… anyway i keep asking him how to contact my ombundsman… but obviously to no avail… how do i do this myself? I need to find an outlet… and people to talk to… any suggestions would be greatly appreciated thank you

    Reply
  • 92. alisa  |  September 20, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    hola chicas. my husband and i are headed to japan– will i be able to get this abroad? also, is there an opportunity to bring about this station in japan? i think it’s great! need a host? i’m there!

    Reply
  • 93. Wendy  |  September 22, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    Hi Vanessa,
    Thanks for the great question. I know what you mean about your husband being shy on asking questions. My husband does not like making phone calls for anything, including ordering pizza.

    To find your Ombudsman you can contact your local FFSC (Fleet and Family Support Center). https://www.nffsp.org/skins/nffsp/display.aspx?moduleid=8cde2e88-3052-448c-893d-d0b4b14b31c4&CategoryID=0f98cc9e-d381-43fa-9167-b9f261c814d1&ObjectID=e67d3b6b-f0e4-4064-b001-c472ef2b29cd

    Ask to speak with the Ombudsman coordinator.

    If your husband is on a sub, then email will be your primary source of communication and written letters. Yes, it will be hard, but take advantage of sending an email as often as you can (once a day if possible). If your command has a pre-deployment or deployment night make sure you attend. They will talk about communication with the boat and you will be able to meet the Ombudsman. Connect into your spouse group and check with the Chapel for other groups you can connect into.

    You are always welcome here and on our blog http://mymilitarylife.wordpress.com

    Please keep in touch!
    Best,
    Wendy

    Reply
  • 94. Wendy  |  September 22, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Alisa,

    Yes, you will be able to listen to the show from any computer with Internet access. We’d love to have you guest on the show! Send me an email wendy(at)navywiferadio.com once you get settled. We’d love to hear all about your adventure!

    Best,
    Wendy

    Reply
  • 95. Andrea  |  October 24, 2008 at 8:07 am

    My boyfriend of about 2 years just signed up for the navy we are highschool sweetheart. When I graduate next year, I want to move on base or off base with him and go travel with him while I start college. Does the navy also benefit for newlyweds wanting to go to college?

    Thank You!
    :]

    Reply
  • 96. Wendy  |  November 4, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    Andrea,
    There is a spouse tuition assistance program that has been approved by the Department of Defense, but the different service branches (Army, Navy, Air Force) have not yet developed a program to distribute the money. It could be up to 2 years before a program is in place.

    Good luck to you and thank you for writing.

    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Wendy

    Reply
  • 97. Hillery  |  November 17, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    My husband and I have been married three years and have a two year old daughter. He will be joining the Navy in February, attending school for seven months to be an FC. He was in the Navy before we met and got out, which I believe is frowned upon by some members of the Navy, and I am a little concerned about that, but I am more concerned with something I read near the top of this page. #18 Betty mentioned her husband being deployed to the Gulf for the majority of a year. We have been working on joining the Navy since May, and the entire time I was bracing myself for six month deployments interspersed with smaller chunks (days, weeks, a couple months) under way. This I was prepared for, but is there a possibility they could send him out for a year? What are the chances of him getting unaccompanied orders? I was adjusted to the idea of six month deployments, but now I am kind of freaking out that we could be separated for much longer. Is that a real possibility?

    Reply
  • 98. Wendy  |  November 18, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Hillery,

    The short answer, yes.

    The question by Betty references her husband going on a deployment to the gulf and then a possible surge for 4 months. Surges are based on world events and not something you can predict. I would brace yourself for the him to be gone a lot. As far as what “a lot” translates to, that depends on his platform and world events. I always thought a 15 week deployment was “unbearable” (he was on a boomer), that was until he went to Afghanistan for 6 months. One of my dear friends, her husband is Army and he was gone for 15 months, so really it is all relative. You can take comfort in knowing there are those who have endured long separations and if they can do it, so can you. We are in your corner.

    The other part of your question about your husband being looked down upon for getting out and coming back in….people really don’t care about that. It is more common than you think.

    Please keep in touch!
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 99. marina  |  November 19, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    hi! me and my fiance [an MA in training at bootcamp right now} are going to be getting married on the 26th of Dec. after he comes home for his christmas leave. Then aftarwards he is going to his a-school for a month and then i will be moving out to wherever he gets permanently stationed [supposedly new york, newport, spokan, or pearl harbor]…i was just wondering how long is will take for his page 2, DEERS and other marriage papers to go through. Also what life will be like for me on base since i hear that MA’s are able to be at thier home base more often and i will most likely be able to be near him most of the time [true?]….His recruiter is a great guy that really takes care of us and always lets us know about stuff but id really like a second opinion. I have everything i own pretty much in boxes already since im not really sure when im going to be able to go out there [though ive been told anywhere from 10th of Jan. to middle of Feb. depending on several things] and i figured it would be better to be prepared to leave than be told at the last minute and do it in a rush…:) any and all information possible would be a huge help!
    thanks so much
    -marina

    Reply
  • 100. Nichole  |  November 20, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    Hello,

    My name is Nichole. I am 18. My fiance is 21 and is in his first week of a year in a half long A school. He is going in to be a S.A.R swimmer. I am in California, and he is in Florida. i am new to this military life. December 19th i see him and we are planning on getting married while he is home for 2 weeks. I am scared. I heard about Navy Wife Radio through a friend. I am a strong individual, but iI dont know this life. I feel its best to hear from someone who is going through what i am about to. I have tons of questions! so if there is anyone who will help me. Please!

    Thanks and God Bless

    Nichole

    Reply
  • 101. Wendy  |  November 25, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Marina,

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

    Once you get your id card, you are entered into DEERS at the same time. Orders are based on requirements and A school grads are usually ordered on the needs of the Navy. MA’s in general have a lot of overseas billets. MA’s are no different than any other Sailor in the Navy, there are not that many unaccompanied tours.

    Over the next few months, my advice is to remain flexible as things can change at a moments notice and no matter where he gets orders to enjoy the adventure.

    Hope this helps.
    Keep in touch.

    Reply
  • 102. Wendy  |  November 25, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    Nichole,
    Glad you found our site!

    Please send me your question(s), we are happy to answer!!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 103. Donna Pickel  |  December 9, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Would like to reach Beatrice Fishback, who posted here last year. Our military wives group used her book and loved it. Wondering if she has any recommendations for other studies. Know how I can reach her? Thanks!

    Reply
  • 104. Wendy  |  December 15, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Donna – What was the name of the book? I’ll send what I can dig up.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  • 105. Jennifer  |  August 5, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    Hi there girls,
    I have a question that no one has been able to answer me. I’m 17and a Navy wife. I’m also expecting any day now. My husband is in c-school in Virginia Beach. The question is: How can I get a hold of him when im in labor? and also: I know to call the red cross but what does he need to do? We are first time parents and have no clue on what to do. Ive asked this question on baby center and they couldnt answer it.

    thank you,
    Jennifer

    Reply
  • 106. Wendy - Navy Wife Radio  |  August 7, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    Jennifer,
    If he doesn’t have a cell phone, you might want to get him one. Even if it is a track phone (pay as you go type). That way you can reach him.
    His command will make the decision to let him go home or not. Hopefully, since he is stateside they will give him leave.

    Good Luck
    *hugs*

    Reply

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